ok this is sooo cheesy... but thats me and my cap... so close to being done and sooooo freaking glad... I am so over this school crap lol...

Not much else is new, just working and having fun BSing while working lol... going on a trip back home next week and trying not to get sick before the trip.

I may actually go back to the shelter this weekend. I think I am ready to head back... I miss it.

break is over... back to work I go...

Collective Amnesia

Everyone forgets
Feelings that once were;
Disappear as if they never
Existed in the first place

Then the twinge returns
When we least expect
We take a deep breath
And forget again

Never speak of it
Never admit guilt
Everything happens for a reason
No regrets

Until the collective amnesia fades
Then we feel it
Anger, sadness, regret; sufficating
Push it away to breath.


Why is it, we are such a convenience society? We want to feel good now - seldom want to work for it... and always bitch about it when its hard?

Everyone I know has a shitty relationship of some sort. With an ex wife/husband, sibling, ex spouse, a parent, even their kid... its so easy to claim no regrets. I do it all the time. Everything that happened was exactly what i wanted at the time right? nope. I call bullshit.

I never said goodbye to my grandmother before she died due to my own stupidity and ego.

I did not say hello (which would have been goodbye) to a friend months before he would be killed due to feeling shy???

I have family who will never know how I feel about them because its "much too hard" to pick up the phone and start an "odd" convo.

Long story short - tell those you care about how you feel - because unlike the immortal words of Amy Lee, - "One day I'm gonna forget your name and one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain", the collective amnesia does fade and we do not forget how we feel.

So this week I have had an additional three kids living in my house... I have such respect for people who have 5 kids lol... while it has not been bad, its EXPENSIVE!

The food costs alone are enough to drive a anglo to drink lol... wait I already drink... well anyway...

Seriously the week has been nice. the kids are having a blast and our dogs even had a playdate with another dog this week... those pics will follow later - they are on my other computer.

So I am getting ready for my surprise trip... I am so excited to see some folks. Cannot say much since who knows who all is reading this jazz lol....

Not a lot is new, I am loving the job as much as someone should love a job. The hours go by fast and thats good. the only thing that sucks is the commute... the hallway from the bedroom is so long sometimes lol...

Well I never thought my hair wouldbe as long as it is again.. I think it was about here last year and then I had a bunch cut off. Since I am not addicted to infomercials and recently bought a very expensive flat iron (it has minerals and crap in it that make it work really good lol) I thought I would take a picture to show just how long the ol' locks have gotten...

The ironic thing is, the picture cuts off my hair. i probably need to use my tripod (which would make sense since I have it back lol) but the dresser in my room was all that was available.

So we are contimplating the idea of leaving NC... I am ready to go - however I like my job and I like homeschooling, and I like my house... but I hate where I live. Do not get me wrong there are some good things and good people - but I think i may just be too midwestern for this part of the world.

A lot (all) will depend on job opps for Scott. We have a list of places we refuse to move - pretty much anything in the south. We are not nuts about the west coast, and the NW is nice but too far from family.

New England is nice, but you have to drive through shit to get to it. I hate NY state, I hate the cities of baltimore, Washington DC, Philly - not because the places suck - the hatred is due to the traffic... pretty much if the I-95 runs through the state - I do not want to be there.

So that leaves the midwest (gee... isn't that convienient lol) IL is my first choice, however MO, IN, WI, MI, OH, ... would be ok. Who knows if it will pan out - we will see. We have been toying with the idea of moving for a couple years but this last couple years have made my personally desire strongly to leave the mentality of the south far far behind. from how they treat their animals to each other - most of the southern hospitality and style sucks to me lol...

On a wierd note - I have been having some crazy dreams lately. I think its time to re-read some sylvia brown books!!

Gosh....

What is up with us crazy women these days! I wish I could help others realize that if their man is a pain in their ass and they always are leaving or running off with someone else - they 1) maybe need to realize their man is not such a prize and no one else may want them... 2) should stop hoping the grass is always greener yet feeling they can flip flop when they see fit... or 3) maybe it is THEM that is the problem...

sigh... this is going out to my non-friend I will call to - keep her anonymous - "Bimborly".... get a clue sweetie. Slavery was outlawed a long time ago and you cannot own any other human being in this world. Its not fair to hold everything they love over their head so you can remain in control. Its just cruel. You may be jealous of everything not "you" but using your kids as collateral in your "negotiations" is just wrong. The only ones to suffer are your kids in this crap :-(

Holy sheepshit... I ditched the last blog I had as I mostly was blogging on myspace anyway and the postings were getting way too pissy and political - which may offend some of my friends who have to go to Iraq and or Afghanistan. They are doing their job, but I see no good of how our government is handling this situation. Too many good people are coming back with severe mental illness to include PTSD, anxiety, depression and even severe antisocial disorders. And of course the gov. does not need more therapists - which is hysterical since most people are waiting to see them. I could go on and on.... but I will not... today lol...

So today I am about 2 months away from being done with school... I am so glad. I will have a Masters Degree which is crazy. I am working part time for Embarq as a HSI tech. When your DSL sucks you call me - yay... its hard sometimes but I like it. Best part is I am working from home! Telecommuting ROCKS!

More tomorrow... gonna try and write in this one every day.